A Puzzled Penguin

this is pain boy (he told me to use this picture please dont report me mrs. valentino) DISCLAIMER: this blog has nothing to do with jayden (at least not yet). is this w clickbait? but while i have your attention, consider reading to the end (that might be about pain boy)

i did it. i killed him  not really i didnt kill anyone. i mean how could i?  i would never i broke a poor boy's heart. i crushed his dreams  why?  a sacrifice had to be made it breaks my heart to watch this poor boy cry because he thought he would do better he thought he was strong, smart, and likeable i unfortunately had to prove him wrong there was no reason to i killed him. i did it

Happy Pi Day. I can’t remember many digits anymore. 3.141592653589 blah blah blah. For some history for all you nerds, pi was discovered almost 4000 years ago. Back then, it was only approximated to roughly 3, with some saying it was 3.125. Over time, approximations became more and more exact. And for you calculus strugglers right now, allow me to bless your eyes. Is this divergent or convergent??? Answer quickly. Yeah the picture gave away the answer. Of course it converges you silly goose. However, there's another way to approximate pi. I won’t bother explaining because in truth I’m too lazy, I forgot most of it, and it’s simply not worth our time here. You can read through it if you so desire. Okay, that was a big tangent. In order to get back on track, what was the reason for “happy Pi day?” Do I really mean to wish you a nice Pi day? Maybe. To some extent, I (like many) am just a people pleaser-ish. I do want people to have a nice day. On the other hand, I said that out of hab...

This guy, Brian Miska, is my version of  Sedaris’s French Teacher.  When being observed by him, the insults and jokes are endless. There is never a day where he will be satisfied. It is not uncommon to hear things like, “What the hell were you thinking?” and “That’s the worst thing I’ve seen all day”. Most memorably, he calls 2nd place (a very respectable ranking) “first place losers” But he’s not the only one like this. My first coach slammed his racket against the cart so many times I dreaded going to lessons. This other tall Serbian coach would mock our form and call us things like “chickens” and “little cat” (i can’t say the actual thing he said). There was always disappointment. Even after doing well, all it took was one tiny mistake to make the day a terrible one. One other coach made us run laps as punishment so much that almost ten percent of our lesson time was running. And worst of all, there were always punishments for losing. If you were lucky, it would be laps or ...

On May 21st 2024, I quietly vowed to never listen to Mendelssohn’s violin concerto again in my life. To most, this probably sounds absurd. Why in the world would I ever make a promise like this and for what reason? That night on May 21st 2024, I took my seat at 6:58pm and watched precisely one hour, seventeen minutes, and eleven seconds of music before I saw her walk on stage. After a very kind introduction and welcoming applause, she joined the orchestra 50 seconds after she walked on stage and absolutely blessed my ears. I remember my reaction to listening to that performance. I remember the awkward posture I was sitting in so my phone would be stable while video taping the performance, the awe in my eyes, and the exhilaration as the final note rang. Memories have a weird way of staying in our minds. I remember the performance was flawless, so perfect in fact, that I promised that would be the last time I would ever listen to that violin concerto. Despite many friends playing it, whe...

“You can complain about rose bushes having thorns, or you could be thankful that thorn bushes have roses. perspective matters” — probably someone smart Las Vegas, aka sin city, is an oasis booming with life, noise, and gambling. Many go as a getaway from reality. Lucky for me, I can do the same within the comfort of my room. Music is my getaway. The second I put on my headphones and start blasting Clinton Kane, Greig, or Elgar, I am magically transported to a beyond the earth experience. I never knew I could experience so many emotions without really experiencing anything. I don’t think I need to explain the other benefits of music or the positive impacts it has on a person. So let’s switch perspectives really quick. Music isn’t always fun. Most of the times, I like performing, but I don’t like my performance. By performing, not only do I want to tell a story, but I also do the composer justice. There is pain in performance. I remember all the tiny mistakes I make, the slightly out o...

 Before we begin, would you mind listening to this song?  What did you think of it?  If you liked that one, do me a favor and listen to this (please):  What did you think of that one? I GUESS I’M IN LOVE really shaped me as a person. Despite the title suggesting otherwise, I find this song to be very depressing and very very very emo; just the way I like it :). The gut-wrenching tune and the geeked asf lyrics compliment each other very well don’t you think? Anyways, after I heard this masterpiece, I have been in love with his music. They are all so emotional, so gentle, and so authentic. But wait! This is where some of you say, “didn’t he lie about a lot of things?” Yes. He did. In fact, he lied about his mom dying. For many, this was enough for people to boycott his music and call all his previous songs fake. However, I’m not here to debate the authenticity of the claims for/against him or whether it is right or not to listen to the music of someone with bad charact...

hazy winter light rests on brick walls a camera rises out of habit pale branches reach through the open circle of sky puddles along the road catch an orange blur years seem to pool in the melting ice along familiar paths vivid red steel waits where the steps converge a  place where laughter was held long stairs lead upward; someone pauses even the river keeps one bright color moving through the gray nearby, the water turns in patient, endless patterns towering cliffs and surf feel like scenes from an old film we loved in glass and steel, the clock still waits behind newer walls near the harbor, a ferry moves with the same quiet certainty even the Tribune letters glow as warmly as before silent heros pass, their purpose steady nothing disturbs the stillness of a figure resting on a bench in drifting mist, a crowded boat pushes forward together city signs and closed doors blur into streets we knew by heart oval reflections bend the skyline into a memory of movement low steam rises fr...

canon iso 400 55mm f5.6(please buy me a better lens) 1/250 s Gender roles bring certain expectations on certain people. Most people have a negative connotation with the term, but I would disagree. In my life, I always wanted a big brother. One that could tell me what was ahead of me, one that I could annoy, and one that I could be completely honest with. I’m blessed that I have found one.  They say you should never meet your heroes. Michael met me July 15th, 2023. At first, we didn’t talk much, and to be honest I didn’t notice him at all. When I got to school, I soon realised that we were in the same Chinese class. Michael didn’t suddenly become a big part of my life. It happened subtly and slowly. Through small conversations, shared moments, and just being around each other, he became someone I could rely on. He never forced advice on me or tried to act like he had everything figured out. He just listened to what I had to say, and that mattered more to me than anything he could ha...

I t’s been a rough week. I’ve been stressed, geeked, and tweaked. I also realised that I possess zero self control, Yikes. Part of it is because I realized I am incapable of looking straight at people and holding a conversation, another part of it is watching Lalaland and wishing for a different ending until an ungodly time (6:13am). But most importantly, this week has been a rollercoaster for the seniors.  My tennis coach, who is usually quite apathetic, even said that he felt nervous for the kids because a significant amount of their future will be set. College seems so close but far. In one year, we’ll be opening our decision letters and most likely get disappointing answers. All I want to be next year is normal, to have a quiet year. Yet, I don’t feel like normal, because being normal means you’re also perfect. I mean for normal distributions, it has requirements: it has to be a symmetric, bell shaped curve following the empirical rule. Maybe it’s not even the desire to be norm...

When I think about my childhood (or even what happened last year), I tend to only remember the bad parts. In fact, the only memory I have of the 5-year old me was when I locked my family out of our hotel room… it was embarrassing to say the least. Many of these embarrassing moments still come to haunt me, and I’ve never known why.  Thi’s memoir reflects this almost too well. When she writes about her childhood, she doesn’t begin with the bright parts, or even talk about them much. Instead, she begins with the fear she felt from her father and the distance inside her own home. The bad memories become the base of which the rest of her childhood and novel grow upon.  The Best We Could Do is an interesting book to say the very least. So far, I haven’t been “wowed” by the book, and I also haven’t been able to care so much for the book. Maybe it's the writing, maybe it's my lack of empathy, or maybe it's my lack of understanding. However, I still feel intrigued by this book, beca...

  Scene 11 November 9, 2025 Outside it’s 36° F. In the news: It is day 39 of the United States Government shutdown — the longest in history. The unemployment rate is at a 3-year high. In Troy, police search for a suspect in a Shell gas station armed robbery. Every human is fearful of two things: death and the unknown. For me, that “unknown” has a name: AI. It’s strange and intriguing to think that something created by the US could outgrow the US. There is a constant talk about education and how essential it is to our lives. However, isn’t the intended purpose of education is to get a good job in the future? What happens when AI will take jobs? AI, as it turns out, is a very very very broad term. AI, which stands for artificial intelligence if you didn’t know already, is just a process in which a computer solves a problem by mimicking human behavior. These have been out for a long time (to be specific 1955.) For years there was not that much of a significant impact. However, ...

My week could be summed up like this: “I work like a dog, day and night, living off of coffee from a pot.” Wow — if you know you know (summer reading???) Anyways, as I think about this past week, I cannot help but realize that I need to sleep more. Some could say that just like Gatsby was reaching for the green light, I was reaching for more hours of my beloved beauty sleep. This week, I have come to the realization that no one is as good as they seem. In front of every person is a mask of what they want to be seen as. Some people are like this more than others. Unfortunately, I’ve learned this a bit too late, and it was not pleasant. Before I keep on going, I want to make it clear that I am not excluded from this description of the natures of people. Over the past month, there was a “situation” going on. Actually, this situation has been ongoing for the last couple of years, but for the sake of simplicity let’s just say it was one month. Anyways, during said situation, I made a few co...

  He heard the phone starting to ring — once, twice, three times. At last, it stopped. Gatsby stood and stared across the Bay towards the green light. In his head, all he could hear was “You can’t repeat the past.”  For the first time, he stood still. He knew he couldn’t do anything. Gatsby was afraid to lose Daisy. His entire life was centered around Daisy, the longing to be with her, her status, and her money. But none of that mattered anymore. For the first time, he had self control. It felt good. He heard Nick's voice again: “You can’t repeat the past.”  This time, he didn’t argue back. Ever since he got back from the war, he thought of ways to get her attention, but none of that worked. He thought about calling her, he realized that there was nothing he could do. He put down the phone and went outside. The night air was cool and damp. He stood on his marble balcony and looked at the green light one last time. For years, the light amazed him. Now, it seemed like...

  The wealth gap in America is increasing — that's no secret. Just look at this income-based graph by the federal reserve. Over the past 10 years, the top 1% have tripled income, while the bottom 50% has stayed relatively consistent.  When asked about the increasing divide in wealth and power, the most common reaction is fear or anger. They might think that since the rich get richer, the poorer get poorer. Mind you, this is not my own saying. The Percy Bysshe Shelley attributed aphorism (I failed that vocab quiz too btw) says "The rich get richer and the poor get poorer."  In any expanding economy, wealth tends to concentrate first among those who create and take risks. When new technologies or markets, those risk takers get most of the rewards. After all, you reap what you sow. How could this be unfair? It is just a reward for the risk takers. Over time, the profits, income, and wealth slowly distribute back to the common people. Economists call this the Kuznets Cu...

  I recently had a friend that told me that they feel too lonely and dependent on their friends. As someone who usually has some type of suggestion when complaints are made, I felt quite useless at that moment. I didn’t know what to say because they seem to always be surrounded by friends and always at the center of attention. At this point, I became puzzled. How could someone who is so socially active (at least from the outside) feel lonely? There, I realized that loneliness isn't a lack of interactions from other people, it’s about the desired social connections they lack. Sometimes, the desire to be understood is the biggest desire one could want: a feeling that you are not alone. That story reminded me of Dvořák, especially his “American” string quartet and his “New World” symphony. When he composed these two pieces, he was living in the United States, which was far from his home in Europe. To everyone else, he was praised, admired, constantly surrounded by students and fellow ...