never again

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On May 21st 2024, I quietly vowed to never listen to Mendelssohn’s violin concerto again in my life. To most, this probably sounds absurd. Why in the world would I ever make a promise like this and for what reason?


That night on May 21st 2024, I took my seat at 6:58pm and watched precisely one hour, seventeen minutes, and eleven seconds of music before I saw her walk on stage. After a very kind introduction and welcoming applause, she joined the orchestra 50 seconds after she walked on stage and absolutely blessed my ears. I remember my reaction to listening to that performance. I remember the awkward posture I was sitting in so my phone would be stable while video taping the performance, the awe in my eyes, and the exhilaration as the final note rang.


Memories have a weird way of staying in our minds. I remember the performance was flawless, so perfect in fact, that I promised that would be the last time I would ever listen to that violin concerto. Despite many friends playing it, whenever I hear the distinct first three notes, I curl up and cover my ears as if I’m in pain. Her performance had to be the last time in my life.


There are also some weird parts in my memories. I cannot remember much else about that night or performance as a whole except remembering that there were no friends or family giving her flowers onstage after her performance. This deeply saddened me and her as well. When I went to find her after the performance, I was greeted by a scene of her surrounded by friends trying to comfort her. It’s kind of weird how for most events in my life, I can only remember the moments of embarrassment, sadness, or shock.


Little did I know, May 21st would be the second to last time I would see her before she headed off to some “small private school” in between Pittsburgh and New York. I hope she’s doing okay at her nerd school. I wonder if she ever thinks about her performance, does she remember the happy moments? The nervous moments? The sad moments? Maybe one day I’ll find out. But for now, I’ll still cover my ears whenever someone plays the concerto because for me, I have to keep my promise.

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