we listen and we dont judge?

My week could be summed up like this: “I work like a dog, day and night, living off of coffee from a pot.” Wow — if you know you know (summer reading???) Anyways, as I think about this past week, I cannot help but realize that I need to sleep more. Some could say that just like Gatsby was reaching for the green light, I was reaching for more hours of my beloved beauty sleep.

This week, I have come to the realization that no one is as good as they seem. In front of every person is a mask of what they want to be seen as. Some people are like this more than others. Unfortunately, I’ve learned this a bit too late, and it was not pleasant. Before I keep on going, I want to make it clear that I am not excluded from this description of the natures of people. Over the past month, there was a “situation” going on. Actually, this situation has been ongoing for the last couple of years, but for the sake of simplicity let’s just say it was one month. Anyways, during said situation, I made a few comments on my observations and what I thought to be true. Instead of politely telling me to reserve these comments to myself or noting my observations, all parties involved quite promptly began to crucify me about my comments, even bringing up their own judgements of me in which it had nothing to do with that situation. Anyways, that doesn't matter. What is surprising to me is that I learned this week that my observations were indeed correct (introverts observe the world differently ig!). I also realized that for the past month, I have been lied to… to my face… straight to my face… multiple times…in multiple situations. Man…. W trauma dump

Now that you have some much not needed background, here are my thoughts!!! I think that the most devastating thing about being lied to isn’t even the just lie itself — it’s the realization that I had so much trust in someone that I, me, and myself all believed them. It’s that epiphany where I heard an “oh crap”, and my brain connected the dots and everything they dismissed as “overthinking” and "glaze" suddenly makes sense? It’s really ironic that we just read Gatsby too, because just like Gatsby thought Daisy’s voice was “full of money,” I think some people’s words are “full of deceit.” 

This is not to say that humans suck. I certainly don’t feel that my view on humanity has shattered like Langston Hughes’s view on the American dream (lol). I certainly am one who has lied to others multiple times, has not reserved my judgments, and has certainly not been too kind all the time. I try my best, and I’m sure everyone else does.

So yeah… I guess this week was a bit of a wakeup call. Not in the, “I’ve seen the light” kind of way, but the, “oh crap” kind of way. And maybe that’s okay because also ironically, this popped up on my fyp this week: The secret to true happiness is low expectations and insensitivity. I aspire to be the calm old dude that doesn’t care what people do or say to him because he is wise enough to know not to care.